"I've
got friends. I've got fun. I am liked by everyone, now that I use
Block & White skin whitening lotion."
"Ugly, Ugly! You're so ugly," the children taunt, as I
walk down the street hauling water to do the dishes.
"If you spill it, you're gonna get it," the children
sing, a they dance around me enjoying their game.
I
spill it and my aunt beats me. She puts salt on the floor and
makes me kneel in it as a part of the punishment. The pain is
excruciating.
"You're
stupid," she tells me. "How come you don't learn?"
Many
faces of children and adults enter my dream. "You're not one
of us," they say mockingly. "Look at you. You were born
in a garbage dump."
I
wake up with the echoes of the taunts and mocking laughter in my
ears. I slip into my clothes to begin my early morning chores. I
fetch the water and haul it back to the house to wash the dishes.
My cousins are awake. They are playing in the other room.
"Hey
Manura," they call. "You want to see something?" As
I stick my head to look into the other room, they throw a black
cat in my face. I lose my balance and stumble back into the
kitchen breaking the dishes on the table. My aunt comes down from
upstairs and sees the mess all around.
"It's
her fault," they cry. "Manura brought a stray cat into
the house and it went wild."
My
aunt grabs me by the hair and drags me into the front room. I am
speechless with scratches all over my face as she makes me kneel
down before her. She cuts off my hair.
"That
ought to teach you to make a mess in my house and frighten my
children, now get out! With blood and tears streaming down my
face, I scramble to my feet and run out of the house to my shack
in the back yard. Crying in the corner of my room, the sounds from
the neighbor's radio reaches my ears. "I got friends. I got
fu I am liked by everyone, now that I use Block & White skin
whitening lotion," Slowly, I rise up from the floor and go
over to the cracked mirror sitting precariously on the narrow
shelf on the wall. A picture of Mother Mary holding the baby Jesus
in her arms is taped on the wall next to the mirror. On the other
side of it are cut outs of beautiful actresses. They all have
white skin and mestizo-like features.
"Now
look at me, I'm uglier than ever," she says staring at her
reflection. "Why can't I be beautiful and happy like the
other children? If only I had white skin and straight hair, then I
would be happy.
"I
got friends, I got fun, I am liked by everyone, now that I use
Block & White skin whitening lotion, sings the girl on the
neighbor's radio. Manura cleans the blood and tears from her face,
then she slips into a pair of jeans and puts on a sparkling white
tee shirt. Looking in the corner of her shack, she reaches for her
low-heeled black sandals that her aunt gave her for her tenth
birthday. She remembers that moment well. How could she forget?
Her aunt made her kneel down before her and made her kiss her hand
for rescuing her from a nearby garbage dump.
"If
it weren't for me and the kindness in my heart, you wouldn't be
alive today," the aunt said to Manura, then she gave her the
shoes.
They
were the first pair of shoes Manura ever owned. Although two sizes
too big for her, she treasured them like gold. Manura waited
patiently for two years before she could finally put her feet into
them. Her first pair of real shoes, she wears them only for
special occasions, like going to the mall on weekends. Leaning
over and fastening them, Manura stares disapprovingly at her dark,
wide feet, callused over from many long days of treading bare
footed on the hot black pavement selling sampaguitas.
"Farmer's
feet," she says to herself rising up from her bed. She
shuffles over to the cracked mirror and stares grimly at her own
image. It is distorted. She frowns. "I got friends, I got
fun, I am liked by everyone, now that I use Block & White skin
whitening lotion," sings the neighbor's radio.
Carefully,
with the tips of her fingers, Manura tries to shift the mirror
gently to see her whole face instead of two. The mirror refuses to
stay in position and slides off of the shelf. She catches it
before it crashes down to the floor. Her heart beats rapidly as
she takes a deep breath to calm herself down again. Carefully
holding the mirror with both hands, she steadies it on the shelf
again and says a little prayer thanking the Virgin Mary for not
allowing the mirror to break. Making the sign of the cross, Manura
accepts the distorted reflection and picks up the baby powder
"You
are so ugly," she says to her reflection, looking at her
shaven head and scratched face. "…Use Block & White
skin whitening lotion," says the radio next door.
"Look
at my cousins," she says while rubbing powder over her face.
"They are so beautiful. No one ever raises a hand to them or
even shouts at them. They can do anything they want. Nobody minds
them just because they have fair skin and look mestizo. When
people see them, their eyes go all gushy and warm. They give them
sweets and toys and lavish their attention on them. But when they
see me, their eyes turn hard and cold, but no more. Soon I'll be
beautiful too. Soon I'll be like them. Soon I'll have a different
face and a different life. My aunt will like me and I won't get so
many beatings.
"…Use
Block & White skin whitening lotion…." After rubbing in
the powder over her face and neck, Manura kneels down to the floor
and removes a plank from its position. She reaches down into the
dark hole and gropes around for her bamboo bank. Quickly, she
pulls her hand out of the hole. She thought she felt something
crawl over it. She takes another deep breath and tries again.
"Got
it!" she says ecstatically lifting her bamboo bank up. It has
her life's savings in it. Manura looks around for something to
break it open with. There is nothing. Desperately, she turns to
the little table next to her bed and whacks the bank on the edge
of it. It cracks open and out spills the money in small coins. She
looks at it "…skin whitening lotion, sings the radio."
With
baited breath, Manura counts the money. Finally, she has enough to
buy a bottle of Block & White, skin-whitening lotion. Now her
dreams will come true and all of her problems will be solved. She
picks the coins up from the floor and stuffs them into her pocket.
Puts on a cap and heads out. She takes the first jeepeny to the
mall. Inside, she goes directly to the cosmetic section and finds
the aisle containing the cream. "I got friends. I got fun. I
am liked by everyone.… " sings the girl over the loud
speakers. The shelves are stocked full with hundreds of glass
bottles of Block & White skin whitening cream… "GUARANTEED
WHITER HEALTHIER LOOKING SKIN OVERNIGHT. YOUR FRIENDS WILL NOTICE
THE DIFFERENCE," says the voice. Manura reverently takes a
bottle from the shelf and goes to the cashier to pay. Back on the
jeepney she daydreams about how beautiful she'll be and all of the
friends she'll have.
She
runs back to her shack. Goes inside and turns on the light. She
takes the glass bottle out of the bag and sets it down in front of
the cracked mirror on the narrow shelf. She bends down to remove
her sandals. She looks up and watches horrified as the mirror and
the bottle containing all of her hopes and dreams, come crashing
down to the floor, shattering into a thousand broken pieces,
topped with the curse of seven years of bad luck. "I got
friends. I got fun. I am liked by everyone. Now that I use Block
& White skin whitening lotion…sings the girl on the
radio."
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